Towards the Light
by TragicMagic599
Summary: "Stop!" He yelled ripping the knife out of my hand. I couldn't do anything but stand there, I was confused, hurt, betrayed. This is what I wanted, why can't he just accept it? "Romano! You can't," He yells, his voice is harsh. I've never heard him this angry. I glanced down at my hands. The blood was still fresh. This is what I wanted, I will follow through to the end.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello guys, I am back. In another Fandom. Woohoo, not really. So idk what possessed me to write this sad little story, when I've got other fics to work on. But ya know. **

**Anyways, lately. I've been becoming obsessed with Romano. I mean, he's very misunderstood. So, I wrote this, being the depressing person I am. Sorry if this triggers anything for anyone. You have been warned. I must apologize for the length. Other chapters will be MUCH longer.  
Happy reading ^~^" **

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Another World Meeting over with. Honestly, he didn't have to go. It was mostly his brother's job. I mean, who recognizes Romano as Italy? Venenziano is the true Italy.

Romano walks into his home and slams the door. He was tired of this.

Tired of the meetings, tired of the lies, tired of the mafia, tired of being inferior... to Feleciano...

He threw his bag onto the floor, and took off his jacket. It was uncomfortable and itchy. He was glad to be rid of it.

Tears streamed down his cheeks. He hated to show emotion in public, in front of everyone. He couldn't let anyone know how he really feels. Not even Italy. Especially not Italy, he looked up to him. Romano could imagine the disappointment Italy would feel, if he saw him cry. He vowed to show no weakness. So far, he's been doing good. He stopped crying in public. Not even around his Fratello, is acceptable now.

He buried his face into the pillow. The green fabric soaked up his tears. He hoped it wouldn't stain. It would be a pain in the ass to remove.

"Oh who am I kidding? Let it stain. I don't care anymore..." he mumbled to himself. Deep down, Romano knew he was going to fade away soon. He's been pushing the idea away for centuries. But, he knew it was true. The merging of his brother, and him was going to be the death of him.

He sat up slowly. Tears still coming, but even worse. He wasn't feeling sad or despair, but angry. He didn't feel remorse, or despair, he was furious. He had to get it out of his system. It was killing him. He kept his real feeling bottled up for so long. He had no one to talk to, to vent. He was on his own.

He reached to the table and opened a small drawer. Inside was a knife. He growled as he grabbed it. This was it.

"...Romano?" A voice came from behind him.

Romano froze where he was, 'Oh crap, he forgot to lock the door.'

"What are you doing with that knife...?' The person asked carefully. He could hear footsteps apporach him.

Romano turned around, only to see Spain standing there. His emerald eyes wide, in shock. his mouth hanging slightly ajar. He looked sad, angry, confused.

"Go away, you're trespassing," Romano said coldly. He cast a glare in Spain's direction.

Spain didn't move, "Are you crying?" he said, his voice suddenly full of concern.

"No." he lied, "Go away." Romano repeated. He had enough. "Get out, now. Nothing about this concerns you. Leave." He pointed to the door.

Spain looked shocked, "This does concern me. Where you thinking about hurting yourself?!" He exclaims. Walking fast towards Romano. "Give me the knife,"

Romano growled, "No!"

Spain held out his hand, "Please Roma," his voice was calm. But on the inside, he was fearful. That Romano might actually hurt himself. He was worried about the Italian. He actually cared. That was why he was here. He noticed him acting differently, becoming more withdrawn, more hostile.

That was it, he cracked. Tears ran down the Italians face, "Why should I? I hate this, I hate you. I hate Veneziano, I hate Germany, I hate Grandpa... I hate myself. I can't do anything right. Nobody cares about me! It's all about Veneziano! Hell, even Grandpa Rome favored him. Please go away," his grip tightened on the knife.

Antonio was shocked, he had no idea what to say. He could only listen to the angry Italian's troubled words. That was all he could do, he didn't know how to help.

"So please, just leave me. I'm going to disappear anyways. I'm the inferior one. No one wants me around. I'm not even recognized as Italy. I'm just Romano, the one that's there." Romano turned away from him. He raised the knife closer to his throat.

"No!" Spain yelled as he lunged at him. Knocking him to the ground. The knife fell out of his hands.

Spain had pinned Romano down, he could feel Romano sobbing underneath him. He was face down on the floor. "Sorry about this, but chu need help..." He said, a bit shocked. With one arm, Spain reached for his phone and dialed an ambulance.

Underneath the muffled cries, he swore he could hear Romano mutter "I hate you, most of all."

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**Next chapter shall be up soon. Don't worry. I'm pretty inspired. For some reason to write this. It gets better and longer. I promise. Remember review, it makes me happy when I hear from you guys. I enjoy knowing someone is actually reading my work. It helps a lot. Actually. **

**Well, bye guys! Remember, Viva L'allegria. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello everybody, I have to say. I was kind of shocked at the response when I posted the last chapter. Wow, much happiness ^~^. Not for Romano anyways. I'm sorry if it seems kinda rushed. But ya know. I wanted to get it up as soon as possible. Oh, and yes. THERE WILL BE SHIPS, I AM A SHIPPER. I'm just not sure.I was think about Spamano being the main ship. But I would like to ask you guys before. Okay? I don't want to focus to much on ships, as that's not what this story is about. But It'd be a cute, fun, thing to add to this sad story. **

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Romano's vision was blurry. His head felt light and empty. Where was he? He didn't know. He could barely remember what happened. It was a giant blur. Did he go out drinking? No, he would probably have a hangover, if that was the case.

He could remember the World Conference. He could remember getting home, throwing his bag down and- oh right. That happened. It wasn't his plan, no. Not at all. Heck, he was very ashamed and embarrassed. Oh, and someone was there, someone stopped him. Who was it?

A door suddenly opened. Romano lifted his head, to see who it was. His vision was still slightly blurry. However, he could tell the person was wearing a lot of white. A lab coat maybe? Was it a doctor? Is he in a hospital?

He tried to move his hands to rub his eyes, but he couldn't. It was like someone was holding them. His eyes widened, was he being restrained? He started to thrash his arms trying to escape.

"Mister Vargas," the person said. Upon hearing his last name, Romano became completely still. "You have been restrained for your own safety Mr. Vargas. Please, remain calm. Struggling will not do anything."

The voice was very feminine, he decided. Maybe it was a female doctor? Slowly, his vision became clear. The woman standing before him wore a white lab coat, with a small name tag, which he couldn't read. Her brown hair was slicked back into a ponytail. She looked kind, and trustworthy.

"I apologize if I startled you. My name is Ada. I'm here to ask you a few questions. The faster you answer the more likely you'll get out of here soon." She said sternly. Like she didn't want to be here, but she cared.

Romano glared, "Where am I?" he snapped. "You can't just demand things from me? What kind of bastard are you?" He was in no mood to talk. He wanted to get out of here.

She looked at him, "Ah, I see the sedatives have worn off. Well then. You were transported here yesterday after trying to harm yourself. You've been sedated for multiple hours to ensure your safety." she said calmly. Romano was still glaring, this wasn't helping. "Oh yes, you're in the Emergency Room as of this moment. I'm ere to ask a few questions before you get checked out."

Romano sighed, "If it means getting out of here, then what is it?"He said sternly. He just wanted this to end. He wanted to get out. He didn't belong here. No, he shouldn't even be here right now. It's all Spain's fault... but why? What did Spain do? That's right. Spain stopped him. Spain called an ambulance, and they sedated him. That's what happened. He could remember it now.

She walked over to a chair near the bed, and took the liberty to sit down. She grabbed the clipboard on a table, and began to write something in it. "Mr. Vargas, you are the personification of South Italy, correct?"

"Yes,"

"What is your relation to Veneziano Vargas?"

Romano stopped for a second, "...He's my brother,"

"What made you want to harm yourself?" she asked, lifting the pen off of the paper. She looked at me with genuine curiosity. Maybe it's a human thing? The life of a nation is glamorized in their opinion. Why would one want to end it?

He thought for a moment. What really drove him off the edge? "I... I guess I'm tired of living. I'm tired of being lied to. I'm tired of being ignored, and forgotten." he said, "I hate it so much. I hate being the weak link of the world. I hate being a nation. I hate my fratello, he's always been better than me, even with appearance. All everyone wants is my Grandfather's inheritance. Not me. Speaking of Rome, he forgot about me completely. He just dumped everything on me and took Veneziano and left. It wasn't fair." he went on.

She looked at the papers, "I see, I believe the cause of your problem is low Self-Esteem-"

"Low Self Esteem? I'm not some sensitive 13 year old girl!" Romano yelled, he wasn't exactly going to admit it. But deep down, he knew that was the real problem, or was it? He wouldn't believe anything she was going to say. He had his pride.

"Mr. Vargas, please calm yourself. I believe it may be part of the problem. I can sense you have abandonment issues," It it annoyed Romano, how she was speaking, as if she knew everything, "Your Grandfather as well. You said he took your brother and left you, correct?"

"Si, but that was centuries ago." He sighed, his voice dripping in annoyance. "Are we done? I don't want to stay here any longer. My wrists are beginning to hurt." It was chaffing the skin around his wrists, rubbing them raw. He winced at the pain slightly. Some hospital.

"I apologize, that was all I wanted to ask." She said as she got up, her heels began to clack as she took each step. "Nice talking with you, someone will decide your fate shortly. Hold on for a few moments"

"Wait, decide my fate? What do you mean?-" she shut the door behind her, cutting him off. "Come back here! You can't just leave me restrained, and alone! What do you mean decide my fate? Come back!"

He growled. "What the hell? Those bastards, they can't just do that," he felt a few tears escape his eyes. He's never felt so helpless.

'This wasn't happening. Was he really going to do it? I don't know.' Italy thought, 'It's killing me. Maybe Spain and France were playing a sick joke? Romano wouldn't hurt himself... would he?' Italy looked at the ground, this didn't feel like a reality to him, 'I mean, he was acting more distant. The fire in his eyes grew cold. He wouldn't show any emotion but anger, and annoyance. This wasn't the Romano I know, well, knew.'

He was currently being contained in the emergency room. Afterwards, he'll be sent to a Psych Ward. No visitors aloud. At first Italy thought it was a little harsh. But he soon learned, he chose that. He didn't want anyone seeing him like this. Italy knows he's in pain now, he wants to help him. But Romano won't let him.

"It's not fair," Italy whispered, "Romano should've told me how he felt..." Italy clenched his hand into a fist. "He should've..."

"Itary, are you okay?" Japan said quietly, "You're not you're usual self today, is something the matter?" Italy glanced towards Japan.

**He** put on a fake, smile, "Ah Japan, it's nothing. Just something happened to my brother, that's all." He gave a nervous laugh.

Japan shook his head, "Maybe you should go ask Mr. Germany to take the day off. You certainly don't look okay." he waved his head while speaking. "If you want, I can go ask him-"

"No!" Italy interrupted, "It's okay, I can go ask him myself," Italy stood up and started walking towards where Germany was sitting. "Thank you Japan."

"Ah, no problem" the Japanese man nervously replied.

Germany sat at a table, with a bunch of papers in front of him. He was very focused on whatever they were. "Excuse me, Germany?"

Germany looked up, clearly annoyed, "What is it? Can't you see I'm busy?"

"Yes," Italy replied, "But, I was wondering, can I take the day off to go visit my brother?" He looked down in fear. Was Germany going to yell at him? Italy didn't know if he could take it. He was already very worried for his Fratello. And he wanted to see him before they sent him off.

"You're brother? What's wrong with Romano?" Germany asked carefully.

"Something happened to him, and I want to see him as soon as possible. Is that okay?"

Germany looked right into Italy's eyes. "I suppose. But except to do extra when you return."

Italy gave a wry smile, "Thank you sir,"

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**Expect the next chapter soon. Bye my pretty ones. ^~^'**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello my pretties. I apologize for the wait. But at least it's here. I swear, Romano will not be _just _an angsty, angry, person. I realize he has a personality. And I will use it. Soon *laugh*. Yeah ignore that. Anyways, here ya go~**

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Romano glanced down at his hands. They finally allowed him to remove the restraints. Which was good, he was getting a burn from them. "Those bastards.." He muttered to himself. He glanced at the IV in his arm. He considered ripping it out. But, that would hurt, also, he had no idea what they were putting into him. Probably some mood altering drug, after all. He did feel a bit weird. He couldn't describe it, but he felt lightheaded, and a bit hollow. But not in a bad way, it felt weird.

3 more days after this, and he can go home. Hopefully no one comes and visits him today. After all, this was the last visiting day before he leaves to the Psych Ward. And he can go home... back to all of that. What will Spain think of him now? Or Veneziano? Surely they're disappointed in him. He dreads the thought of seeing Veneziano and Spain after this. Would they look at him with sympathy? Maybe hate, or-

"Mr. Vargas, you have visitors," A nurse interrupted his thoughts. Oh crap, visitors. Maybe if he didn't respond they'd be turned down? Who would want to visit him anyways, he's a wreck right now. "Mr. Vargas, I'm awaiting your response." she chimed again.

Romano glanced at the speaker, should he say something? His finger trailed over the button. Should he? He pressed it down, and the red light came on, "...Okay," he mumbled. He quickly removed his finger, what did he just do?! Oh no, what if she heard that and sent them down?

He groaned, his head began to feel even lighter. If that was even possible. Maybe they were drugging him, so he'd be more mellow? Like a child on laughing gas. That's what he thought. He didn't even have the energy to move now. How would he face people like this.

He could hear the door opening. He didn't turn his head to see who it was, even if he had the energy to, he would ignore whoever it was.

"... Fratello?" Fuck.

Italy walked in before Spain, his heart was pounding in his chest. This is real, this is happening. There he was, his brother. Or, what looked like him. Whatever took over Romano, changed him.

His head was turned against them. Italy glanced at him, his wrists were red, he had an IV stuck in his arm. He looked pitiful. There was restraints on the side of the bed, that's what Italy decided what happened, that's why his wrists appeared to be on fire.

"Hey, Roma," Spain said happily, so happy, Italy couldn't tell if it was legitimate or not. "How have you been doing? Any better?"

Romano didn't respond, he didn't even move, he sat there like a statue.

"Romano, you know it's not cool to just ignore Boss like that," Spain chimed.

"... Get the fuck out," Romano replied coldly. His voice was hollow, as if he lost all emotion. His head still turned away.

Italy walked over and sat on the bed next to him. "Romano? Please, tell me what's wrong?"

Romano looked at Veneziano. His gaze was so cold and hollow it made Italy shiver. He remained silent, yet his gaze remained. Spain, being the oblivious person he is, just ignored it.

He rested his hand on Romano's shoulder. "Hey, it'll be okay. What is wrong?"

Romano, whom had no strength whatsoever. Did his best to reply, "I'll tell you what's wrong. You bastards..." He finished. Yup, he was done. Literally all his energy was used as he tried to emphasize the word 'bastards'.

Italy flinched at his choice of words. "Nii-chan..." Italy slowly wrapped his arms around his older brother. Romano was taken aback, did Veneziano just... hug him? "Fratello, I don't know what's wrong. But please, don't leave me okay? I'm sick of being alone. We were just reunited too. Don't leave me..." Italy whispered.

"Idiota..." Romano whispered. He didn't even move to hug his younger brother back.

After a few awkward moments, Italy withdrew. "Hey Spain, let's go. I... think he wants to be alone." Italy said sadly. Standing up and tugging the Spaniard along with him. Leaving Romano to himself. He watched as the two left. Spain slightly struggling, and waving a goodbye, as the door closed. He's too thick headed. However, Veneziano, was being... serious. He didn't have that derpy look on his face. What happened?

What just happened? That question buzzed around in his mind. Romano groaned, and fell back into the bed. He was getting dizzy, and all his energy was gone. He closed his eyes, and decided to doze off for a while. Think about it later.

_**The Next Morning:**_

"Romano!" Italy yelled happily running to the older Italian. "I talked to my boss and he got you released early! Isn't that exciting?! We can go home and make pasta, and pizza, oh and watch some movies!" Veneziano chimed happily.

Romano glanced at his younger brother. "Yeah, that sounds nice.." He wasn't exactly feeling peachy at the moment. The sedatives were still wearing off. He was tired as fuck. He couldn't bear listening to another word of his brother's mindless rambling. "Please, just shut the hell up, and take me home you bastard."

Italy smiled, "That's the Romano I know! Come on the car is here. Do you need help? The doctor said-"

"I don't need your fucking help!" Romano snapped, as he opened the door to the passenger's side. "I can do it on my own. Thank you very much."

Italy walked to the driver's side. "Okee dokie, whatever you say!"

He's full of smiles and happiness. Honestly that was bugging Romano. Did he forget? Or is he trying to pretend it never happened? So many questions raced through Romano's mind. "Just drive already, I want to go home."

"Okay!" Italy said as he began to back out of the parking space. He shifted the gears and began to drive. "You missed a meeting by the way. I didn't tell the other nations why, in case you might want to yourself." Italy said, his eyes locked on the road, "Or not. Your choice. But you should've seen it. It was chaotic."

"You can tell me about it later, right now I really don't care."

"Oh... So Antonio dropped by yesterday. He left a package for you. I haven't opened it. Because well, it's for you. So that's something to look forward to. Right?"

"Yeah, I guess," A package, what could it be? Romano kind of dreaded the thought of opening it. Spain never left him anything. He was always busy or out with France and Prussia.

"Ve, we're here. Come on, let's head inside!" Italy said halting the car to a stop. He unbuckled his seat belt and jumped out of the car. "I'll go start on the pasta! Let's have Fettuccine Alfredo okay? Well, that's what I'm in the mood for. You can choose the pizza! You're pizzas always taste better than mine."

At this point Romano was zoning Italy out. His mind was too focused on the said package. Oh well, he thought. Nothing I can do but go and open it. His footsteps were slightly shaky as he walked into the Italian style home. On the coffee table to the right. Was a giant brown box. With giant red letters,

..._** To Lovi.**_

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**SORRY! THAT TOOK LONGER THAN I THOUGHT. Life got in the way. I mean, had to drive out of state for a memorial, have a funeral to attend in 3 days. I'm going camping next week, and then school. And fruk. Cheesus Crust I need help and time. Where did my summer go? Also, sorry for any mistakes I made. I'm editing this on my tv, because my laptop screen shattered and parts of the LED is missing and it's not possible to view anything on there. That and my vision sucks so it's hard to revise. Trust the typing skills.**

**This chapter was going to be very different. I ****literally kinda changed the whole outcome. It might be sad, it might be happy. I don't know, (yes I do). You just gotta keep reading to see what happens. Well, BYE GUYS! ^~^**


	4. Chapter 4

**DO NOT HURT ME. I know it took a long time but school started and blah. I'm sorry it's short. But I had to get it out fast. Hey, be thankful you aren't following my Zelda stories. I don't think I've updated in over a year actually. Hah, I hate authors like me. They release barely 1,000 stories months apart. We should not exist but oh well. Anyways, I decided against the angst I was going to add. This may count as fluff but ya know. I don't know. Possibly maybe, judge for yourself. Btw Spamano is the main pairing in this story because it is perfect. My god. I'm wayyy too lazy to read it over, so sorry if some parts don't make sense. I'm too tired, and I have to sleep in 5 minutes. School starts at these ungodly hours. Gah, okay. Read people~**

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Lovino's eyes trailed over the box. What was in it? It was a moderate size. Nothing too big, or too small. With each step, he neared the mysterious package Antonio left for him. His heart began to race, he didn't understand why he felt so nervous. It was only a box for fuck's sake. He couldn't focus. Especially with Feliciano's insane humming in the other room. He sighed, deciding to just open it now and get it over with.

With one hand, he traced the top, gently pulling it up, and allowing the box to open. From that tiny little slit he could see what appeared to be photographs, many of them actually, all from different time periods. The colors ranged from full to just a sepia to black and white. He also spotted what may be a hand written note.

He reached in to grab the note, once he felt the paper, he pulled it out. He quickly scanned over it. The sloppy handwriting was definitely the Spaniards. He sighed as he began to read it silently.

'_Dear Lovi~'_

_'It's kind of hard to put this into words. So I left you a box. I couldn't say this too your face because, well... I guess I'm a coward. However, I felt you needed to know before it's too late. So, if you want, please go through it?'_

What?

Lovino was moderately confused, tell him what? He pulled the flaps open revealing a variety of items. Photographs, drawings, notes, an old toy. What was this? He reached in and grabbed a photograph.

Romano and Spain were sitting side by side. Spain was happily smiling at the camera, while Lovi glared at it. The next photo was a bit earlier, right after camera's were introduced. He was only a few feet shorter then the Spaniard. They stood side by side, staring emotionless into the camera. Through the old and worn sepia Romano could still tell, that serious expression didn't suite Antonio's face.

After going through a surprising amount of photos, Romano reached in and grabbed an old toy Rabbit. Sure, it looked familiar, but how? He rotated it a bit, until he reached a small tag that had been tied on it's foot.

'_I'm sure you don't remember Coniglietto. You used to cling to him all the time when you first arrived. I was so sad when you deemed yourself too old to have him. So I saved him, I remember how much he meant to you.'_

He gave a small smile, 'That bastard saved everything, didn't he?' he thought too himself. Reaching towards the bottom was one final note. It looked as if it was written hastily. Like he was too nervous, or didn't have enough time. Maybe both.

_'Lovi~,_

_I'm having so much trouble writing this right now. I'm sorry if It doesn't seem to make any sense. I'm just having a hard time getting my words onto paper. Well, here goes;_

_When I saw you that day, tear stricken, ready to hurt yourself. I didn't know what to do. I had no idea you wanted to hurt yourself. Please Lovi, it hurt me more than you'd ever know just seeing you like that._

_Honestly, I'm not ready to admit this even to myself. Years ago they said I'd gone insane from my 'Conquistador' days. Silly isn't it? I wasn't fit to be in public anymore, due to violent outbursts. But when I finally got you, I felt like everything had changed. I finally had someone who needed me. Someone I had to care for. Don't get me wrong, I loved my colonies and all, but you were different. It feels a little cheesy writing this down, but I need you to stay sane._

_Lovi, please don't leave me. I think your 'flaws' are what makes you beautiful. Can't you see I love your voice, I prefer your food over your brothers. If I wanted Feliciano over you, I would've went after him. Lovi, you're perfect in my eyes. Please, never leave me alone._

_Antonio~'_

He stopped reading right before the last line.

What... Wait... Lovino felt his eyes begin to water... Did he really feel that way about him? He had no idea. A soft sob escaped his lips, as he still stared at the paper. His hand was raised to cover any noise that might escape again. He couldn't help but let out another sob, as hot tears fell down his face.

Feliciano popped his head into the living room, "Fratello?.. Why are you crying?" Feliciano abandoned the kitchen and immediately went to hug his brother. Feliciano was surprised when Romano didn't even fight his hugs. He usually did, this was different.

"I... didn't... know..." Lovino sobbed into his younger brother's shoulder. "I..." he stopped himself, and began to wipe his tears. "I think I should go to bed..."

"Ve?! But you just got back?" Feli whined, but looking at his brother's distressed face he gave in. "Okay, but... you're sleeping in the living room until we know you're okay." he said in a serious tone. Romano was caught off guard, was he serious? Of course he was. The Italian never sounded serious.

"Alright..." he said, pushing away from Feliciano. "Can you go get my blankets and a pillow, per favore?"

"Si!" The younger Italian yelled running upstairs to fetch bedding.

Paper still gripped in his hand, Romano read the last line out loud.

_'Te Amo Lovino Vargas,'_

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**AGAIN I'M SORRY FOR THE WAIT AND THE LENGTH. I'M SORRYYYYY. The story is almost over though so don't worry. Heheh, I got some things planned. Don't worry my pretties. Anyways, remember to review, (not necessary but it makes me happier than you'll ever know).  
Love y'all, byes~**


	5. Chapter 5

**I'm so sorry you had to wait. But please forgive me. I had to write a case for varsity Debate. _Organ procurement, hoorayyy_. And 3 essays, and then 4 math packets, and then we have pre-exams already. And I hate school so much. It took me forever to write this because I've been very busy. That and the writer's block I had was pretty bad. Oh well, I got through it. It's not fully corrected. So, there may or may not be some mistakes. BUT IT'S UP. I'll correct it tomorrow. BECAUSE RIGHT NOW I'M SO TIRED, I CAN BARELY KEEP MY EYES OPEN. UGHHHH, school is literally draining the life out of me. Anyways, I wrote this kind of... differently. I can't explain it, it just is. Anyways leave a review because they help me soooo much.  
Happy reading~**

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Lovino's heart stopped. This couldn't be happening... there was no way. Everyone hated him, he was loud, rude, and he didn't consider others. There was no way in hell, that anyone could love Lovino Vargas. Yet, that's what was written here, at the bottom of this paper. Written in Spanish, by the one who took him in, when no one else wanted him.

Tears pricked in the corner of his eyes. He couldn't believe this. All his life, he was convinced no one wanted him, that everyone resented his very presence. Was he too thick headed to see that maybe he was wanted by someone? No. This is probably just a joke. A sick, twisted, practical joke, to get back at Romano for scaring him. That's defiantly it.

"Fratello~!" Feliciano's happy voice resonated from the hall, "I grabbed some blankets. Would you mind grabbing the pillows? I'll lay these out on the couch for you!" He said waddling out with more blankets in his arms than Romano could remember owning. His face was hidden behind the mountain of fabric; but Romano could tell he was probably wearing that derpy smile. He always was.

"Sure, whatever." Romano grumbled, being pulled away from his own thoughts and emotions. "You realize we're in the middle of summer right? I just need a light blanket!" He'd probably end up kicked everything off in the middle of the night. That's how it always was in summer. Yet, his younger brother brought out enough blankets to survive the harsh winters of Russia.

"Mi dispiace! I just wanted to make sure you were comfortable!" with that he dropped the pile of assorted blankets onto the couch; not even taking notice that half of it was spilling off the couch. "At least have them here incase! It might get cold. You never know!"

"Mhm" was his lame reply. He quickly sped down the hall to his room. He wasn't in the mood for conversing right now. Especially not after a bomb was just dropped on his heart. A storm of emotion was brewing inside, and he didn't now how to deal with it. He didn't have long in his room, so he had to make the moments count. Most likely, Veneziano would be locking it for the night to make sure he'd stay out. His hand trailed over the doorknob, the cold metal gave him the chills. It felt as if this was a different territory, after being cooped up in a hospital for so long.

He twisted the knob and pushed up the white door. He paid no attention to his surroundings. The walls were painted different colors. The north wall was white, the west wall was a deep red, and the east wall was green. The southern wall was completely covered in photos, maps, and old letters he'd been saving. Most of them were of him and his younger brother. In their own country. A few were of him and Spain, with a bit of Belgium and Netherlands. He didn't have too many photos, this was nothing compared to the younger Italians collection. However, Romano cherished these photos, as they held memories that weren't too painful to bear. These are what kept him sane for the longest of time. These photos. Some recent, and some from the early years of the camera. Along the photos were a bunch of maps. He relished in the memories these maps brought. His favorite was an old 1700's map. His country, the Kingdom of Two Silicies, still existed. He wasn't just that 'other guy' back then, he had his own purpose, his own responsibilities. Now what does he have? An occasional world meeting, because his existence wasn't needed there. He didn't even know why he bothered to show up. He wasn't viewed as a country since his unification... yet Veneziano was.

With one quick glance at his photo covered wall, he felt a twinge of pain deep inside. He couldn't explain it, or why. It was just there. He let a sad sigh pass his lips, there was nothing he could do about anything now anyways. He knelt down and lifted a medium sized photo, of Veneziano, Spain, and him; Antonio and Felciano looked happy and content, huddling together in front of an old church. While Romano lingered in the corner with a scowl on his face. He remembered that day, those two idiots wouldn't leave him alone until they got a photo together. So, they dragged him unwillingly to a photographer, and had their picture taken. None of them took notice to Romano's discomfort of the very idea of having his photo taken; or they just didn't care.

Behind the photo was a compartment edged into his wall. This is where he kept his journal. No, not the stupid school girl kind of journal. This was one he wrote in to vent his feelings. No one wanted to hear it from the southern Italian, so this was his only shot. It's been a while since he wrote in it. Maybe that's why he finally snapped? It's possible, he's been keeping journals for centuries, it was his escape. Without a second thought, he snatched the book, and stuffed it inside the pillow case on his bed. Hopefully his brother won't notice. Because he needed to write in it tonight.

"Fratello? Ve, you're taking a long time, hurry up per favore," Veneziano yelled from the living room. A twinge of confusion and worry was barely noticeable in his voice. It almost broke Romano's already damaged heart, to hear his only family member distressing over something so stupid.

"Sorry, I'm coming," he grunted. Picking up his pillow and heading back. He walked over and tossed the pillow onto the couch, before jumping over the back and plopping on the blanket covered couch. His brother took a seat on the love seat, across the room from him. His hands were slightly shaky, and his leg was gently bouncing. Oh no.

"So Fratello..." he began, his normal cheerfulness was replaced by this sense of concern. "Do you want to talk about anything, like... why you were-" he stopped, chocking on a sob, "Why you felt the need to end your life?" a tear ran down his face. That was normal, this is Veneziano we're talking about.

Romano looked away, he couldn't look at him right now. "Listen, Feliciano... can we just drop it right now?" he said dangerously.

"But-" the younger Italian stopped mid sentence, "Okay... I'll change the subject..."

"Grazie," he said, not even bothering to look his brother's way.

"So, what was in the box?" his voice was still shaky, but it was now pure curiosity.

Romano's heart shattered, his brother, just had to stay on touchy subjects. "Listen, that's-"

DING-DONG

Romano practically jumped off the couch, instead, he fell, and landed with a thud. "Holy crapola, who the hell is visiting at this hour!?" he yelled angrily.

"It's only 19:24 (7:20)" Feliciano mumbled getting up from his seat and moving towards the front door, and out of sight.

"Exactly!" Lovino called after him. He wasn't in the mood for visitors right now, and prayed to God, his brother would turn them away. He got back on his 'bed' and listened closely for any sign as to who this visitor my be.

"Ciao, Spain! What brings you here?" Fuck.

"Hola Ita-chan!" Spains happy voiced rang. "Is Roma here? I want to talk to him. I called the hospital and they said you checked him out."

"Si! He's in the living room, come in! I just made some pasta do you want any? I'll make Lovino eat it if you stay for dinner!"

Romano's grip fastened itself around a blanket, as he was now clutching it for dear life. Please don't stay. Please don't stay.

"Sure, how can I turn down your cooking!" No, please leave. "I'll go find Romano now!"

Please go away, Romano thought miserably to himself. I can't handle this.

The Spaniard stepped into sight, his green eyes shined with passion and life, yet his expression was serious. Lovino's heart dropped to his stomach, he wasn't prepared for this. Actually, he may never be.

"Hola Lovi! You look like you're doing better!" He said cheerfully. He suddenly looked Lovino dead in the eyes. "Did you get my package?"

Lovino gave a solemn nod. "...Si."

"Good! About that... We need to talk..."

Romano looked away, he sounded serious.

* * *

**So many red squiggly lines. I'm too tired to care. Okay, whatever. I'm going to bed as soon as this is up. Remember leave reviews, they help me a ton. Okayokayokay, I will leave you alone now.  
****See you next update~ Byeee. **


	6. Chapter 6

**I SWEAR I CAN WRITE BETTER. This isn't the best. But you know what. Have a thing. It's pretty fricken short. And I apologize. I'm just. So. BUSY. **

**Anyways, I'mma switch to first person. Because, I have the nastiest writers block ever. Oh whale. Just read. **

Romano's pov. 1st person.

Why was he suddenly acting like this? There wasn't a trace of that dopey smile left. What the hell is happening?

I couldn't bring myself to face him. I was too afraid of what he might say to me. It felt as if at any moment, I would break down. No... I can't, he's already seen me at my worst. He's already seen the real me... Broken. Honestly, I still feel the shame and regret from that day. It runs too deep to be ignored. Almost as if it was carved into my bones, as a permanent reminder. I wish a hole would just open and swallow me up. I don't know if I can handle this.

"Lovi..." Spain said softly. "I'd like to ask you a question... it's okay if you don't want to answer. No hay presión."

I gulped, no. That shit stain better not go there. Veneziano was already on my case. I don't need someone else.

"Why...?" he muttered to me. I could feel his concerned gaze burn through me. Why is he asking me this? Doesn't he understand? I told him how shitty I felt before... of course, that bastard never listens. This time isn't any different. He's probably just faking this whole thing too seem like a good person. I bet he doesn't even care.

"Why the fuck are you asking me?" I growled. Glaring at the pillow beside me.

"Lovino," he said, "Look at me." he said a bit harshly. Honestly, I'm terrified. Spain may be all smiles and such, but he can be horrifying when he's pissed. Hesitantly, I brought my gaze to his. Emerald green eyes were burning with something I've never noticed before. He looked confused, hurt, and angry. Shit, I hate that look.

"What?" I snapped at him. "I don't want to answer your goddamn question, so just drop it!" I yelled. I really didn't. I've answered it before. So many times... I've spilled my guts to him. But for some reason, he never seemed to listen.

"Romano-"

"Shut the hell up!" I jumped up from where I was sitting, and gave him the coldest glare I could muster up. "You don't really care, do you? You're just pretending. Is that it Spain?"

"I-"

"You probably sent that box to lead me on. So I'd 'open up' to you or some shit. Well, here's some news. I've told you this shit before! Remember? No, of course not! You're so thick, not even a chainsaw could cut through you! Ugh, I'm so sick of this crap! I'm done!" I yelled. Marching angrily around the couch. Not even bothering to look at him. I made a beeline straight for the door. I'm out of here. None of these fuckers care. Not a single one. I'm better off dead, then here.

I slammed the door shut behind me. I let a few tears fall, as the crisp air hit me.

And I ran. I ran like the coward I am. I don't have courage. Or strength. I'm weak. I'm a coward. Running is the only thing I can do. I can't face my problems head on. I have to run from them. It's pathetic, but that's who I am.

My legs began to feel weak. My chest ached. I was light headed. Oh, and I have no idea where I am. I could feel the sedatives still taking affect, which would made it a miracle I ran as far as I did.

"Fuck fuck fuck" I chanted. That word, I use throw it around like a six year old throws glitter. "Fucking hell, I hate this."

Where the hell am I? There's trees, lots of them. I don't see a road in sight. Oh well. I walked over to a tree and fell to my knees. Hot tears trailed down my face. I clenched my hands, and punched the bark. I was so done.

"Lovino~" A voice chimed. I turned around, I wanted to throw my nastiest glare at them. Instead... my eyes widened. It was him.

Nonno.

**WOOHOO HAVE A POORLY WRITTEN CHAPTER TO GO WITH THIS POORLY WRITTEN STORY. Maybe when it's over, I'll rewrite it. So It'll actually be quality. Seriously, this is the product of my laziness. I can write so much better, I swear. Well, laters. **

**ALSO WHERE DID THAT LINE THINGY GO, I DON'T LIKE THIS. **


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